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James
Inner Party Leader
Post #47570
Joined: 01 Jun 2004
Posts: 1013
Total Words: 206,587
Average words per post: 203.94
PoliMatch: n/a
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Posted: Wed 2007-09-19 05:24
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| Politics: I hate everyone |
Country: United States |
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| The Horrifying Truth About Starbucks |
Post Rating: 0.0/4 (0 votes cast) |
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Some shocking facts about eveyone's favorite coffee chain!
Did you know...
- Contrary to popular belief, Starbucks doesn't use 100% arabica coffee beans, but instead a blend of arabica, robusta, and human bones.
- According to recent studies, Starbucks coffee can dramatically increase the risks of birth defects in pregnant women, AND MEN, and also greatly increases the risk for colorectal cancer in all ages.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A837038
- The original recipe for the Frappucino was discovered by Starbucks assistant manager Greg Rogers inside the Necronomicon, a black tome of unfathomable evil written by the mad arab Abdul Alhazred.
- Much like its sister franchises, Star Trek and Star Wars, fans of Starbucks will never find true love with another human being, ever.
- When the company was originally founded, Starbucks was not a coffee shop, but actually a pyramid scheme fronted by the alleged sales of diet pills and rental furniture.
- It has been statistically proven that people who drink Starbucks coffee are probably gay, and if you drink it you're gay too, you're not gay are you?
- Eight percent of Starbucks profits goes to buying adorable bunny rabbits to be tortured and killed by Starbucks Chairman Howard Schultz; six percent go to holocaust-denial based organizations, five percent are funneled straight to Al-Qaeda, and three percent gets spent on trying to seduce your mother.
- This one time I went into a Starbucks and the cashier had a lip ring and it was really gross. Eeeeww!
- In several interviews, Starbucks co-founder Gordon Bowker was unable to account for his wherabouts during several infamous occurances, including: the death of Elvis, the assasination of John Lennon, the failure of the Bay of Pigs invasion, and the September 11th attacks. Following the plane crash that killed Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, and the Big Bopper, Bowker was pulled over by police and was found to be hiding several airplane components and a hack saw. Coincidence?!?!
- Famous stockholders in Starbucks include: Saddam Hussein, Slobodan Milosevic, Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst, Senator Joseph McCarthy, Dracula, and John Travolta.
- To ensure loyalty, Starbucks often subjects their employees to re-education films designed to hypnotize and brainwash them. Some employees are also bitten on a major artery and drained of all their life force; they then must walk the earth as soulless creatures, forever selling frappucinos and eating insects and small lizards for nourishment.
- You know their coffee? It tastes like ass.
_________________
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
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I'm proud to be a glutton and I don't have time for sloth
I'm greedy and I'm angry and I don't care who I cross
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Hope is itself a species of happiness, and, perhaps, the chief happiness which this world affords. |
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Sindark Nave
Filthy Animal
Post #47576
Joined: 03 Mar 2007
Posts: 1
Total Words: 455
Average words per post: 455
PoliMatch: n/a
    
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Posted: Wed 2007-09-19 10:06
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| Politics: I hate everyone |
Country: United States |
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| Re: The Horrifying Truth About Starbucks |
Post Rating: 1.0/4 (2 votes cast) |
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| James wrote: |
Some shocking facts about eveyone's favorite coffee chain!
Did you know...
- Contrary to popular belief, Starbucks doesn't use 100% arabica coffee beans, but instead a blend of arabica, robusta, and human bones.
- According to recent studies, Starbucks coffee can dramatically increase the risks of birth defects in pregnant women, AND MEN, and also greatly increases the risk for colorectal cancer in all ages.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A837038
- The original recipe for the Frappucino was discovered by Starbucks assistant manager Greg Rogers inside the Necronomicon, a black tome of unfathomable evil written by the mad arab Abdul Alhazred.
- Much like its sister franchises, Star Trek and Star Wars, fans of Starbucks will never find true love with another human being, ever.
- When the company was originally founded, Starbucks was not a coffee shop, but actually a pyramid scheme fronted by the alleged sales of diet pills and rental furniture.
- It has been statistically proven that people who drink Starbucks coffee are probably gay, and if you drink it you're gay too, you're not gay are you?
- Eight percent of Starbucks profits goes to buying adorable bunny rabbits to be tortured and killed by Starbucks Chairman Howard Schultz; six percent go to holocaust-denial based organizations, five percent are funneled straight to Al-Qaeda, and three percent gets spent on trying to seduce your mother.
- This one time I went into a Starbucks and the cashier had a lip ring and it was really gross. Eeeeww!
- In several interviews, Starbucks co-founder Gordon Bowker was unable to account for his wherabouts during several infamous occurances, including: the death of Elvis, the assasination of John Lennon, the failure of the Bay of Pigs invasion, and the September 11th attacks. Following the plane crash that killed Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, and the Big Bopper, Bowker was pulled over by police and was found to be hiding several airplane components and a hack saw. Coincidence?!?!
- Famous stockholders in Starbucks include: Saddam Hussein, Slobodan Milosevic, Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst, Senator Joseph McCarthy, Dracula, and John Travolta.
- To ensure loyalty, Starbucks often subjects their employees to re-education films designed to hypnotize and brainwash them. Some employees are also bitten on a major artery and drained of all their life force; they then must walk the earth as soulless creatures, forever selling frappucinos and eating insects and small lizards for nourishment.
- You know their coffee? It tastes like ass. |
I happen to enjoy starbucks. It's expensive, but it tastes like...hot ass.
Love frappucinos.
_________________
capitalists of the world unite
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